“Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant ”

~Elie Weisel

They robbed me of my dignity & human rights when I reported my child sex assaults to the LAPD & when the ex FBI agent & Erika Hutchcraft exploited me, but I held up a mirror to them in return, so I won.

It’s holding up a mirror to Medusa and she shrieks and turns to stone when she sees herself. . . The beauty of truth is that its core is a mirror. My story is a mirror of them.

Talent as an artist & the truth are the same thing. It’s a mirror, a reflection of the truth.
Talent isn’t something you can steal, talent requires reflecting the purest form of truth.
That’s what separates great artists & writers & actors from the cheap imitations.
The people of the lie are incapable of reflecting the truth. The truth doesn’t exist in them, so they churn out cheap material, they steal ideas they don’t fully grasp & call it art & hope nobody notices.

Like when the book is so much better than the film version. It’s because the book writer was the truth teller and then someone in Hollywood tried to duplicate the truth into film but was unable to grasp the concept of truth. So they churn out a cheap imitation.

Can’t loot talent. It doesn’t work that way.

I’ve been doing a lot of recovery meetings & hanging out with sober friends who do a hybrid of AA, Smart Recovery, Recovery Dharma, Church, meditation, etc… The common denominator is that these people are willing to look at their mistakes & the way they’ve harmed others &/or fucked over people & are trying not to live their life like that ever again.
I realized that there are some people who have done such vile things that they will never be able to get sober because with a sober mind they’d have to clearly look at their behavior & actions & how the damage they caused permanently destroyed lives & robbed people of justice & happiness.
And there are some people who are stone cold sober & have a clear mind where they can rationalize all of the evil they’ve done & trauma they’ve caused others and be okay with it.
They’re human vacuums. They’re so broken inside that all they can do is consume. They don’t feel. They look at other humans as objects to be used for their own gain. There’s a lot of people like this in my story. Like my parents. They lived day to day on a steady supply of pills or alcohol in order to live with themselves.
They were unable to live sober lives because they’d have to truly look at the lives they led & harm they caused others.
There’s a lot of narcissists & parasites in my story, for sure, but with some of the people in my story, it’s something deeper than ego & parasitic narcissism.
They’re fundamentally evil.
They can rationalize anything they’ve done with a clear sober mind.
They’re the people of the lie.

I think my parents were fundamentally evil & human vacuums, which is why they did the things they did for so long. Their daily use of pills and alcohol was a way for them to feel good & made living with themselves easier, but I think even with a clear sober mind they were able to rationalize their evil behavior because they looked at other humans as devices for them to use for their own pleasure or gain. My mother & father enjoyed using people, they felt like they won when they exploited someone. But they’re not the only people like this in my story.

When the other people in my story were exploiting me, I didn’t see it when it was happening because it was normal behavior to me. Abuse & scapegoating & exploitation & gaslighting & degradation & lies were normal to me. I grew up with human vacuums so evil behavior was normal to me & I didn’t see any red flags.

Folklore Project

I asked the people at my favorite Thai restaurant in LA if they had any folklore they’d be willing to share with me and they told me about the crocodile 🐊 god who lives in the rivers of Thailand and the two sisters who outsmarted him.

Folklore

(Things I’ve heard while waitressing & working in the corporate world)

Dagos have big noses

Irish girls are fat

Polacks you can’t say ’em

Germans like their Brat

Jews bring you theatre

Japs make great cars

If I could chose either,

I’d name them after stars

Blacks give the rhythm

and also The Blues

but we’re all stealing

the Indians shoes.

They say

let sleeping dogs lie.

So now it’s a song

that we’ll all sing

at the end of the day

they all kiss the ring

The thing about art

and beauty and truth

is that

if you’re not careful

they’ll hide yours

in the roof

The Hurdy Gurdy Man

had a Viola for a wife

he watched the stars

drove the cars

a threepenny opera life

This is a letter from Strength United confirming that they sent a victims advocate with me to LAPD Topanga in May 2019 to report my child sex assault when Terry Rasmussen lived with us in Woodland Hills & also the victims rep came with me to the van Nuys courthouse for the Joe DeAngelo RO hearing.

I also sought therapy services with them, and they refused to connect me with a therapist. I was also going to therapy visits at LA County Mental health & saw a psychaitrist named NancyWolf that my relatives were paying for in March 2019 and was taking medication, Seroquel.

Psych meds / Psychaitrist visits confirmation
2018 – 2019
Dr Conley diagnosed me with PTSD in 2018

So what happened to my mental health from March 2016 when I was seeking treatment and they said I was doing okay until a full nervous breakdown in 2019?

I told them that my family ostracized me after I started writing a book about growing up on the road with my con artist mother and the horrific abuse I suffered. These records also reflect that I reported Birch & Steve Davis and Ben Stein to the LAPD in June 2016 and they might be connected to the Golden State Killer case. It’s in their notes, because I told Dr. Vaughn.

In August 2016 is when I stopped going to therapy because I was busy running the pet hotel and the flasbacks and memories started coming back. And I was constantly emailing the LAPD about Birch & Steve and trying to find out if they were really cleared and what their locations were. This is also the time when Jim Clemente was giving me legal advice about Ben Stein & Birch & Steve Davis.

I think my mental health records prove what was going on in 2016 and to progression to why my mental health and physical health collapsed in 2019.

Here is my therapy history. 

I saw a therapist when I was 17 that my father took me to but only went for 1 or 2 times. I think my father knew that if I told the truth the Birch & Steve & Ben Stein story would come out.

I saw a psychiatrist in LA I think in 1998 or 1999 and they did not put me on medicine. I think it was with the LA County mental health department.

I saw a psychiatrist in Houston about 2000 and got on Paxil and again in Oceanside I saw a psychaitrist in 2004 and went on Lexapro. 

I also went to a therapist in Encinitas in 2005 or 2006 but don’t remember her name. 
I saw a therapist named Adrienne at San Fernando Counseling in 2012 for about six visits and later went to Kaiser when I had my own health insurance starting in March of 2016.
Here are my mental health psychiatry records & diagnosis from 2016 when I was seeking treatment.

I also went to my doctor at Toluca Lake Medical Center, Dr. Laura Conley in January 2018 and was diagnosed with PTSD and then went to LA County Mental Health consistently and was on medication from February 2019 to December 2020 and also saw a Psychiatrist Nancy Wolf in March 2019 and a therapist at Soultenders in Burbank August 2019.

I voluntarily went into drug/ alcohol/ Mental Health treatment at NSight Recovery starting on Feburary 1st 2020 and stayed there for a little over a week and then went into inpaitent treatment at Renewal Behavioral Health from Feb 12th 2020 to about April 22 2020 because I had a nervous breakdown and was abusing alcohol and marijuana.

I was doing okay in March 2016 & later on reported Ben Stein & Birch & Steve Davis to the LAPD in June 2016 and told Dr Vaughn & my therapists about Birch & Steve Davis possibly being the Golden State Killer and reported Ben Stein as well.
 I think I told the psychaitrist that Jim Clemente was giving me legal advice at the time & my records also reflect my family’s abuse because I was blogging about growing up in horrific conditions. 
I told the therapist & doctors about my family’s abuse & ostracization. 

Dr Vaughn referred me to an african american woman for my first therapist at Kaiser and that record is not in this file for some reason, I didn’t vibe with her well and then saw Janis Pasteur but stopped going because of work & painful flashbacks coming up about Ben Stein & trying to get answers from the LAPD about Birch & Steve’s locations. And my pet hotel was really busy. 
I also told Dr Vaughn about reporting Birch & Steve Davis to the LAPD as the golden state killers and I think at that point I thought they were cleared but still wanted to know their locations. 
 I was so focused on getting answers from the LAPD about Birch & Steve Davis & the visits brought up so many painful memories and work was really busy at my pet hotel so I stopped going to therapy. 
I hired a private detective recently & he confirmed to me in writing that Steven Dale Davis is the correct man and he’s the brother of William Birch Davis & son of Paul Otto Davis. So it confirms my family’s gaslighting and fraud & abuse.

This letter doesn’t make sense to me because I was assaulted in 1979 or 1980, I can’t remember the specific date but I was legally present when two men came into my bedroom and assaulted the other person who was in the bed with me. I was five or six years old. This assault that happened to me and the other person was in 1979 or 1980, not 1974.

I was affected by these crimes, I was sexually assaulted, strangled and tortured that night.

Even if I can’t prove that I was assaulted. It’s legally documented that I was present when two men came into MY bedroom and the other person was assaulted in my bedroom, in my bed, and I was a child.

It’s legally documented that two men came into my bedroom that night.

I have a right to know where they are. I’ve always had a right to know where they are.

I have a right to speak about my assault, even if nobody believes me and denies it .

They do not deny two men were in my bedroom and attacked the other person who was in my bed and I was five or six years old.

I have a right to justice, safety and answers.